Of Lipsticks, Variables and Basses

I have a very lovely friend, who also happens to be a female bassist. I like listening to her talk because she has quite an interesting perspective on life and music. One of these interesting things she once enlightened me about, was how, without looking, you can tell the difference between the sound of a male instrumentalist and that of a female instrumentalist. She explains that this difference in sound is as a result of differences in thought processes as we play. She theorizes that because men are one track minded, when playing, they only focus on the music. Women on the other hand are distracted by a million and one thoughts, and because of these distractions, they have a less confident touch than that of a man.Her basslines, for example, would sound like a question, whereas a man's bassline would say, "I am not asking you whether a G should be played here. I am telling you that it is a G." Even if the G makes no musical sense, because he played it confidently, it will.

 Here is an example of what probably goes on in our minds:

Male Bassist: I'm feeling it *continues playing amazing bassline, crickets sounding in his head*

Female Bassist: I am so nervous. What if I mess up? Will they kick me out? Will they laugh? Will they think I'm a joke? I love these new shoes. They look so good. And this lipstick...to die for. *happy sigh*. That guy is so cute. Oh my goodness! He just smiled at me! Should I smile back? What if he thinks I'm easy? But I don't want him to think I'm unapproachable! *sad sigh* To smile or not to smile. That is the question. Oh no!! Oh no no no no no no!! NO!! I just played a 3 instead of a 1! UUUUGH! That sounded so bad. I am such a loser. Now no one will want to marry me. I should just become a nun now. Maybe it was my calling. *catches reflection of face* Oh my goodness. This lipstick is the best decision I made this year. I want to kiss me. Who wouldn't want to kiss me? Aiyaiyai.  *pouts lips* Oh no. Now this other guy thinks I'm blowing him kisses. Eeew. No. Hapana. Haiwesmek buda. I forgot the progression for this part, so I'll just slide on the fretboard. *guitarist likes it and whispers "nice"* Ooooooh yeaaaaah. Who's bad? I'm bad. Solid move. Well done, girl. Well done. I love the progression here. Musical genius. Oh oh! The drummer just looked at me sideways. SIDEWAYS! OH MY GOODNESS! What does that mean? He's probably upset. We are supposed to be in this together, but I let him down. I am half a second behind him on beats. He can't even bare to look at me. He can only look sideways. I should hang my head in shame. Half a beat too late. *sigh*. Eish! This lipstick though! I am in looooooooveeeee! Finally.....we are approaching the chorus. This song is taking way too long....

On that note (see what I did there? *wink*) it is in my New Year's Bass resolution to not let extranious variables occupy my thoughts during rehearsals or performance. Let's see if this will make a difference in my sound :)