Just Drop It

"Just drop it."

Over some lovely wine and dinner with family earlier on in the year, this was the line that was dropped on me. It had quite a profound effect on me, that I am still recovering from the aftermath. I do not remember anything else that happened that night. And no, it was not because of the alcohol...

As any type of creative artist, I believe the biggest gift you can give yourself is that of freedom. Recently, my devotion and meditation was about the power of forgiveness. The reason I thoroughly enjoy the company of children, is because of their "black and white" view of life. They either like you or they don't. They never pretend. They never have hidden agendas. My 6 year old godson, for instance, would throw a tantrum and slam doors because I refused to buy him a toy car, but five minutes later I would be his best friend and Tom and Jerry buddy again. In as much as he cried his lungs out, much to the dismay of onlookers who thought I was an abusive parent, he would not hold on to my "meanness". There's just a certain type of calm and freedom that comes with having a child-like mentality. 

In life, we meet many people or situations which leave us bruised. Most of the time, such people or situations never apologize or make it right, so we remain scarred. We remain slaves of our hurt. As you writhe in pain and cry yourself to sleep at night, the other person is probably dreaming of a lovely holiday in the Bahamas. They're probably even having a holiday in the Bahamas. But you are here in your cold apartment burning your insides and stunting your growth. Just drop it.

Other people are not the only ones you need to forgive. You need to forgive yourself as well. You are only human and make mistakes. But that's okay. Just drop it. For me, the hardest period in my musical life was when I played in the band of a church I used to go to. Playing the keyboard with super-talented professional musicians, coming fresh from years of playing a different genre and playing songs after hearing them for the first time the previous day, saying I was thrown under the bus would be an understatement. As I grew in music, I was always top of my class and a high scorer in music exams, so joining this band as an underdog of course had an effect on me and my ego.  Also, being the perfectionist I am, I took quite a thorough beating on myself over my perceived "failure". Because of this, I treated myself as an underdog, and in response, they saw me as an underdog, so much that if I bump into one of them and happen to mention that I am going for rehearsals, I am asked "you're in a band???", with a tone that suggests impossibility. Never mind that they knew I was their lead guitarist's bassist in a fairly successful band prior to joining this one. I also realized that this "underdog mentality" started to affect my playing and interaction in other bands. I finally had the last straw when a student of mine....sit down for this one....decided he would take it upon himself to suggest what an inadequate musician I am for not being able to use the "transpose" button on the keyboard that I do not own. 

*blowing own trumpet alert* Please note: given that I am a pianist with quite some decent experience, the theoretical knowledge I have gained over the years allows me to be able to change the key of any song. Without a button. Not only that, but I know the pitch of all transposing instruments, so much that the saxophonist in a band I used to play for would ask me to tell him his key, because he knew I would be able to do it fast and without hesitation. Any true musician would appreciate the ability to transpose mentally without struggle *end of trumpet blowing*

Anyway, I decided to forgive them for that situation. I did this because firstly, I was treated as an underdog because I allowed myself to be an underdog. Secondly, I know that they are good people who knew not (and probably still don't know) what they were doing to me. I also forgave myself, because I am human, and humans stumble. But that doesn't mean it's "game over". Forgiving does not mean that it is okay to be a doormat or that you go back to the situation. It just means that you choose to let go of the pain and anger, and that, my friend, sets you free. I realized that since I dropped it, I am able to be free and to be myself, so much that sometimes I even surprise myself with the basslines that come out of nowhere. So, just drop it!

Of Lipsticks, Variables and Basses

I have a very lovely friend, who also happens to be a female bassist. I like listening to her talk because she has quite an interesting perspective on life and music. One of these interesting things she once enlightened me about, was how, without looking, you can tell the difference between the sound of a male instrumentalist and that of a female instrumentalist. She explains that this difference in sound is as a result of differences in thought processes as we play. She theorizes that because men are one track minded, when playing, they only focus on the music. Women on the other hand are distracted by a million and one thoughts, and because of these distractions, they have a less confident touch than that of a man.Her basslines, for example, would sound like a question, whereas a man's bassline would say, "I am not asking you whether a G should be played here. I am telling you that it is a G." Even if the G makes no musical sense, because he played it confidently, it will.

 Here is an example of what probably goes on in our minds:

Male Bassist: I'm feeling it *continues playing amazing bassline, crickets sounding in his head*

Female Bassist: I am so nervous. What if I mess up? Will they kick me out? Will they laugh? Will they think I'm a joke? I love these new shoes. They look so good. And this lipstick...to die for. *happy sigh*. That guy is so cute. Oh my goodness! He just smiled at me! Should I smile back? What if he thinks I'm easy? But I don't want him to think I'm unapproachable! *sad sigh* To smile or not to smile. That is the question. Oh no!! Oh no no no no no no!! NO!! I just played a 3 instead of a 1! UUUUGH! That sounded so bad. I am such a loser. Now no one will want to marry me. I should just become a nun now. Maybe it was my calling. *catches reflection of face* Oh my goodness. This lipstick is the best decision I made this year. I want to kiss me. Who wouldn't want to kiss me? Aiyaiyai.  *pouts lips* Oh no. Now this other guy thinks I'm blowing him kisses. Eeew. No. Hapana. Haiwesmek buda. I forgot the progression for this part, so I'll just slide on the fretboard. *guitarist likes it and whispers "nice"* Ooooooh yeaaaaah. Who's bad? I'm bad. Solid move. Well done, girl. Well done. I love the progression here. Musical genius. Oh oh! The drummer just looked at me sideways. SIDEWAYS! OH MY GOODNESS! What does that mean? He's probably upset. We are supposed to be in this together, but I let him down. I am half a second behind him on beats. He can't even bare to look at me. He can only look sideways. I should hang my head in shame. Half a beat too late. *sigh*. Eish! This lipstick though! I am in looooooooveeeee! Finally.....we are approaching the chorus. This song is taking way too long....

On that note (see what I did there? *wink*) it is in my New Year's Bass resolution to not let extranious variables occupy my thoughts during rehearsals or performance. Let's see if this will make a difference in my sound :)

First Performance 2016: I Accept Hugs

I had my first performance of the year. Yaaaay. And it was on a Monday. Ummm.....yaaaaay?

Other than teaching piano on Monday evenings, I usually don't have anything going on for me during the day. I can say my week truly begins on Tuesdays. Or maybe I am just in denial about the end of the weekend. Either way, I never get Monday blues as a result. But, ladies and gentlemen, I hereby announce that for the first time in years, I had Monday blues. I am usually excited for performances. This particular performance, I should have been over the moon about, because it was a group I had wanted to play with for a long time, and it was my first performance of the year. But nope. I had that "ugh, work again" feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Firstly, we had only had two run-throughs together with the band, so I wasn't particularly confident with how we would sound. Secondly, after a particularly grueling disagreement with Mr Man, we had just made up the day before. After all the sweet nothings muttered, the only thing I wanted to do, as a result of that post make up high, was to stay at home and cuddle all day. The rain even set the mood for me. Like, it was a sign that we should stay home and love each other. Tightly. But alas, real life happens and bills will have to be paid and my red BMW X6, with custom made interior, will have to be bought. Unfortunately for me (and all ye suckers for romance....I see you) staying at home loving each other will not pay the bills. As someone once rightly stated, we cannot show up at our children's school and say, "forgive us for not paying the school fees, but we are in love. Will you take hugs instead?"

With that, I begrudgingly attended the performance. Other than some slight hitches with the sound because of power outages as a result of the bad weather, I would say that the show went pretty well, especially given that we did not have enough time to rehearse and half the band members were new.

At the end of the show, my cousin, and probably my closest friend and sister, asked me how the show went. Of course, being me, I ranted about the sound and lack of drums and what not. Then she pointed out to me that I am a perfectionist and I always think I performed poorly even when it was a good performance. The conversation with her made me realize that I really should lighten up and just enjoy myself. Besides, most times the audience wouldn't even have noticed that part where I played the C-sharp instead of the A-natural, right? *shrugs and skips away*

Overcome

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

 Nelson Mandela

So, this past weekend, I did something I would normally not do. I went for an audition. This is officially the second audition I have ever been to. The first time, I auditioned to perform a piano piece at Campus Awards Night. Not to downplay my skills, but I got the impression that the only reason I got accepted was because a) none of the judges were musicians and b) finding a pianist at school was like finding a rare gem. But anyway. Other than that, I have never had any other audition. Well, not at least until last Saturday.

I fondly remember my favorite piano teacher, Mr Muriuki, who trained me for my earlier ABRSM grades, and is probably the person who had the greatest faith in my abilities as a musician, so much that he pushed me beyond what I thought were my capabilities. Anyone who has done the ABRSM practical exams knows the struggle of having to rehearse for at least a year for an exam where your performance ability, sight-reading, ear skills, technique *inhale violently* and a whole bunch of other things were tested in just 15 minutes. Every time before my exam, Mr Muriuki would tell me, "I have raised you in music and know that without a doubt, you are capable of getting a Distinction. But just remember, whatever the outcome, 15 minutes is not enough for a true test of your abilities." 

Back to audition phobias. I have always avoided all situations where I have to be auditioned. I even missed a Berklee audition, which was right at my school, not because I or anyone else doubted my abilities, but simply because of that fear of being openly judged. There's just something about someone deciding whether you are worthy of a future of your dreams in just a few minutes that puts me off. 

Since I started pursuing the pro level, I have miraculously managed to play for quite a number of bands without ever having to audition. When this audition opportunity came, I had mixed emotions. Firstly, it was an exciting opportunity because they are a very musically gifted group, that I have watched do an outstanding performance of Sarafina. Also, I have been a huge fan of Sarafina since I was 9 years old, and as I grew in music, I grew to appreciate it even more. Playing with them would mean a possibility of getting to play Sarafina, which I have been practicing in my living room for years. Saying I was excited, even if it means I get to play only half a Sarafina show, was an understatement. But at the same time, I was not up for it. Why? Firstly, I was told less than two days before the audition, and we all know how I feel about performing when I feel unprepared. Secondly, one of the judges was my guitarist, which would mean he would either judge me harshly in an attempt to not show favoritism, or he would show favoritism and give an untrue judgement of my abilities. Thirdly, I hadn't touched Adam for almost a month. But since it was my New Year's resolution to grab every opportunity that presents itself, I decided to go for it. 

I didn't know what to play or what to expect for the audition, so I got to practicing. Since I have nice lady fingers (or so I like to think), whenever I spend a while away from playing, I get blisters and bruises easily when I play again. To top it off, Adam's strings are fairly new, so as great as they sound, I find them harsh on the fingers. The audition was on Saturday at 10 a.m. By 9:30 as I was trying to record myself, I was frustrated because it didn't sound the way I wanted, and the blisters made it really painful to play. So I was going to quit. Just then, I remembered the same advice I gave my brother a few days before: reach your limits on the best you can, and then surrender the rest to God. So I realized, I've spent too many hours playing through blisters to quit now. Besides, whether they like me or not, I have nothing to lose. I still have my music going for me.

So basically...I was scared, I went, it wasn't that bad, and they liked me.The End :) 

I patted myself on the back for facing my fears, and I reckon that that was a pretty positive beginning to the year, and I am now confident and embracing bigger and better.

Introducing Kidan the Krar

Kidan the Krar

Greetings of the season, with love, from me and mine to you and yours! Although, I must confess that mine did not actually tell me to send you greetings and I'm sure you will not send my greetings to yours either, but, that's life. Also, I know that the "season" is already over, and people are getting back to their daily lives, but I still have a holiday hangover.

For the first time in my instrumental life, I have spent almost an entire month without playing an instrument during the holidays. In as much as I was highly tempted to carry Adam, my precious bass guitar, on holiday, I had to leave it behind. Why? Because they (whoever "they" are) say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also, I find that Adam just sounds better when we take some time apart. It's a lovers' thing, I guess.

Travelling to different places has a way of opening up one's mind, as you get to meet different types of people and see life from a different perspective. This, I believe, is very important for any type of artist. This last holiday, my destination was Ethiopia. I have always passed through Ethiopia on transit, but this time I had the privilege of staying a while, immersed in their beautiful culture and beautiful (quite literally) men and women. While enjoying Ethiopian culture, I visited a market where I could buy Ethiopian art, clothes and jewelry.  

As I was calmly strolling along, I heard a silent whisper of my name. As I slowly turned around, shivers running down my spine, wondering who on earth could possibly know me here, from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of glistening silver and......there he was. Calling to me, seductively. And I was too weak to resist what would become my summer love. And I cheated on Adam. (Actually, I was not calmly strolling, I was awkwardly and nervously walking fast because I felt like a stranger, being the only black person in sight. Also, what caught my attention was some random man looking shower-deprived, yelling, "sister, sister, we have nice earrings! Very cheap!")

Dramatics aside, I found an Ethiopian guitar-like instrument known as Krar. I had seen such an instrument, but only the ones used as decoration, so I was quite amazed to see one with actual tuning pegs and one that made actual sound. So, I did what any musician who initially intended to buy earrings and art would do. I bought the Krar instead. I am quite excited to start mastering the Krar. I am even more excited to get a bass Krar soon!

Although at the moment the bass guitar is my main instrument, I usually get asked why I play a number of instruments. Others have also suggested that I would be a better bassist if I focused on only the bass. Although this is a fair point, I am just in love with instruments and will never learn or own enough. One instrument is so restricting. I also feel that each instrument has its own personality. There's just a certain type of emotion that a saxophone has that say, a violin, doesn't have and vice-versa. Since I don't have the luxury to chase after various instrumentalists, why not do it myself? Also I find that learning other instruments helps me be a better bassist and overall musician. Playing solo jazz licks on electric guitar for instance, I find has improved my bassline creation, especially in improvisation. Playing violin has given me a better musical ear (and inspired my dreams of playing a fretless bass one day).  So, in as much as I have a struggle of sufficient rehearsal time for any one instrument, they are all worth it. Plus sleep is overrated, one can always practice at 3 a.m, no? 

Happy New Year and Happy New Krar!