Just Drop It

"Just drop it."

Over some lovely wine and dinner with family earlier on in the year, this was the line that was dropped on me. It had quite a profound effect on me, that I am still recovering from the aftermath. I do not remember anything else that happened that night. And no, it was not because of the alcohol...

As any type of creative artist, I believe the biggest gift you can give yourself is that of freedom. Recently, my devotion and meditation was about the power of forgiveness. The reason I thoroughly enjoy the company of children, is because of their "black and white" view of life. They either like you or they don't. They never pretend. They never have hidden agendas. My 6 year old godson, for instance, would throw a tantrum and slam doors because I refused to buy him a toy car, but five minutes later I would be his best friend and Tom and Jerry buddy again. In as much as he cried his lungs out, much to the dismay of onlookers who thought I was an abusive parent, he would not hold on to my "meanness". There's just a certain type of calm and freedom that comes with having a child-like mentality. 

In life, we meet many people or situations which leave us bruised. Most of the time, such people or situations never apologize or make it right, so we remain scarred. We remain slaves of our hurt. As you writhe in pain and cry yourself to sleep at night, the other person is probably dreaming of a lovely holiday in the Bahamas. They're probably even having a holiday in the Bahamas. But you are here in your cold apartment burning your insides and stunting your growth. Just drop it.

Other people are not the only ones you need to forgive. You need to forgive yourself as well. You are only human and make mistakes. But that's okay. Just drop it. For me, the hardest period in my musical life was when I played in the band of a church I used to go to. Playing the keyboard with super-talented professional musicians, coming fresh from years of playing a different genre and playing songs after hearing them for the first time the previous day, saying I was thrown under the bus would be an understatement. As I grew in music, I was always top of my class and a high scorer in music exams, so joining this band as an underdog of course had an effect on me and my ego.  Also, being the perfectionist I am, I took quite a thorough beating on myself over my perceived "failure". Because of this, I treated myself as an underdog, and in response, they saw me as an underdog, so much that if I bump into one of them and happen to mention that I am going for rehearsals, I am asked "you're in a band???", with a tone that suggests impossibility. Never mind that they knew I was their lead guitarist's bassist in a fairly successful band prior to joining this one. I also realized that this "underdog mentality" started to affect my playing and interaction in other bands. I finally had the last straw when a student of mine....sit down for this one....decided he would take it upon himself to suggest what an inadequate musician I am for not being able to use the "transpose" button on the keyboard that I do not own. 

*blowing own trumpet alert* Please note: given that I am a pianist with quite some decent experience, the theoretical knowledge I have gained over the years allows me to be able to change the key of any song. Without a button. Not only that, but I know the pitch of all transposing instruments, so much that the saxophonist in a band I used to play for would ask me to tell him his key, because he knew I would be able to do it fast and without hesitation. Any true musician would appreciate the ability to transpose mentally without struggle *end of trumpet blowing*

Anyway, I decided to forgive them for that situation. I did this because firstly, I was treated as an underdog because I allowed myself to be an underdog. Secondly, I know that they are good people who knew not (and probably still don't know) what they were doing to me. I also forgave myself, because I am human, and humans stumble. But that doesn't mean it's "game over". Forgiving does not mean that it is okay to be a doormat or that you go back to the situation. It just means that you choose to let go of the pain and anger, and that, my friend, sets you free. I realized that since I dropped it, I am able to be free and to be myself, so much that sometimes I even surprise myself with the basslines that come out of nowhere. So, just drop it!