Of Romanced Guitars and Festivals

This past weekend, after getting rained on, driving past a fatal accident, sleeping at 5 a.m after an event, waking up late, having no shower or make-up on, getting upset at Mr Man, my guitar tuner developing epilepsy and *gasp* missing sound check, I performed at my first festival, and what I believe was the biggest stage I've ever played on. This was the most terrifying experience I have ever had, but I'm glad I faced it. Firstly, I was informed that I would be playing at the event five days before the event. There's nothing I dislike more than performing when I have not had adequate preparation. Secondly, I feel that the band I was playing with still has a lot of growing and self-definition to do. Thirdly and biggest of all, the line-up of artists consisted of people I highly admire and would never ever have imagined sharing a stage with one day. I've made it. I should now retire :) (Just kidding, I will never reach a point where I think I am successful enough to relax. Unless I'll be 110 years old. Then I will shamelessly sleep in the afternoon and then go to Zanzibar.)

One of the main reasons I was mortified about playing at the Utam Festival was because it was owned by one friend, and very amazing artist named Fadhilee Itulya. The first time I saw him, I had arrived the studio early for my band rehearsals, and he was lost in his own world, playing a very beautiful guitar. I was amazed at how he was numb to his environment and just focused on his guitar, like he was romancing her. Anyone that passionate must be a genius, I thought to myself. The second time I saw him, he was performing, and he purposefully untuned one of his guitar strings to get a special sound. I have also had the honor of playing under his direction in the church band, so I had gotten to know his musical brain quite a bit, and thus and such, developed admiration for his music. With the profound admiration came profound feelings of intimidation about my own ability. I was so intimidated, that when he asked me to Facebook him, I first went and deleted all my performance posts and pictures and left zero hint of my musical past life. I also vowed that he would never see me performing aside from church - probably not the smartest of attempts given our tiny circle of musicians in Kenya. The reason I attempted to give him the perception that I don't exist as a musician, was because I was afraid that he would have expectations about my ability and would end up being disappointed. I am sure he really doesn't care whether or not I'm a good musician, but alas, I'm a woman. I'm allowed to make conclusions in my head :) So yes, today he was going to hear me play *clutters teeth*. Aside from Fadhilee, there were quite a number of great musicians in the audience. Being an instrumentalist who judges other instrumentalists' techniques at concerts, I was sure mine was also being judged *clutters teeth and violently shivers*.

Anyway, I met some of my musician friends backstage who hugged me and assured me it will go well. The audience seemed to love our performance and after the performance, I received positive feedback from my fellow instrumentalist buddies, saying that my grooving style has improved. Yaaay to added hours of practice. Among the positive "feedbackers" were the two Sams that I had said are among my top Kenyan bassists (mentioned here --> Another Sam: Another lesson on matters of the heart ). Oh, and Fadhilee did not judge me. Well, at least not overtly. The highlight of the show was a particular bassist who played his guitar held upside-down. Nope, it was not left handed. It was legitimately upside-down. Not only that, but his groove, his touch, his performance and everything was just amazing. This inspired me to challenge myself even more. So I'd say, this was quite an amazing experience. See Mr Upside-Down Bass during soundcheck below:

P.S. I was trying to figure out what he was playing, hence the side profile. I am still perfecting the art of taking a video while doing a hand-stand.

Chronicles Continued...

So, ladies and gentlemen, I am back. Quite a lot has happened in my bass life in these last three months. I thought that the last time I went on a journey of musical self-discovery I had found all the answers to what I needed, but alas, it was not such. I realized that growth and learning is a never-ending process, and just as one enjoys every stage of their child's life, so shall I enjoy every stage of my growth and learning experience.

If I could describe the growth process that took place in the last three months, I would publish three novels and a PhD thesis. But here is an extremely summarized version (even though it doesn't look like it):

• I had an experience that I still don't quite understand whether was positive or negative. Either way, I am grateful because it left a positive impact in my life. My musical soulmate and I visited a studio that was the best studio I have ever visited in my life. I met some highly creative people that inspired me, yet at the same time intimidated me. Long story short, before I go on a philosophical analysis, the studio session did not go as well as we had hoped, and we left without a recording. Let's just say, the feeling of failure, especially when you know where you're supposed to be, is not particularly the best feeling in the world. Ignorance really is bliss.

• Since my friend pointed out that I should learn how to play drums to get over my "thing" for drummers, I ended up umm, falling for, umm, a nice guy who happens to be a drummer. So I am now in a committed relationship with said drummer. In my defense, his game was pretty tight. It was also quite fresh, especially after being hit on by guys like:

It also so happens that at the time we started dating, I did not have a permanent drummer to rehearse with, and he needed a bassist. So, bam. One thing I have taken from this relationship is the art of commitment. Yes, commitment is an art. In the past, if I disliked something, I found it easier to just run away. The band that I currently play for most frequently happens to be his band. Because I felt that we do not have the same visions, I wanted to quit after 2 days. However, because I have now learnt that some things are bigger than my feelings, I stayed. Because I have been playing with the same drummer for some time, love aside, I feel that my sense of rhythm has become much better. Also, because I'm in a generally more positive mood, I find that I'm able to play and write better.

• I am in love with the brain of the guitarist who plays in Mr Man's band. Sometimes I get the impression that he doesn't quite like me, and that can be a bit uncomfortable because, you know, you have to be in good terms with people you play with in order to create good music. That aside, I am so in love with his brain, that if  Mr Man had not existed, I would probably have developed a crush on him. *Black American Accent* ooooooohhh Scandalooooouus!*snaps finger* He is a Med. student and has some certain depth about him. His intense passion and out-of-the-box thinking reminded me why I loved music to begin with, and playing with him has taught me the joy of being unconventional in your playing. It has given me a certain type of freedom.

• Meeting people who've met a female bassist for the first time is still quite, umm, entertaining. I meet people who get thoroughly excited at my basslines. Even though I know it's not much, I have to say this gives me quite a boost of confidence and makes my playing better. On the other hand, there's a bunch that give me the urge to toss my bass guitar at them. And maybe a brick. And a chair. Some encounters I've had:
• "Pretend you're playing" *snaps photos*
• "You don't even have to play, just holding it is enough"
• *random chap walks in during rehearsal break as I'm still holding my bass* "Gasp! Is it working??"
• "Are you good?" (because I'm going to say I suck to someone I've just met?? Child, please.)
• He(it's almost always a "he"): Will you perform this Saturday? Me: Yeah, I'll play for most of the artists. He: Are you that good?  Me: *slaps forehead* 
• *expecting me to teach him in 5 minutes* "show me how to play bass". Me: You need some basic theory He: No, just teach me now (Since I'm a female, it must be nothing? *Korean voice* Aigooooo.)
• "It's easy. I'll learn how to play it instead of the other instruments. Thanks, You've inspired me." Coming from a non-instrumentalist. Kindly note, I play other instruments, so I reckon I'd know what's "easy"?

I could go on and on with such comments, where the person may not have malicious intention, but come off as quite condescending. But here's to more bass growth and an enjoyable journey! :)

My Boy Bheka, and Bassics

I attended a business seminar. During this seminar, amidst being thoroughly frustrated at a particular somebody for not showing up on time and lying that he was about to reach, daydreaming about my future 3 children, becoming best friends with a lady sitting next to me until she thought I was eyeing her man (whom she had just met, by the way) and being among the loudest gruntlers each time the speaker said "one last minute", I had an "aha!" moment. One of the things that stood out to me the most from this seminar was something along the lines of, "if you expect a different outcome, you have to be open to change."

In life, growth cannot take place without some type of change occurring. My musical journey has been one of twist, turns and changes. When I first started out as a classical pianist, nowhere in my life did I ever envision that I would one day play punk-rock bass, and over my dead body, hip-hop. I never even knew hip-hop music had legitimate basslines! But alas, it so happened. And I actually enjoyed it. And the change continues...

In the last half a year, I discovered the South African bassist, Bheka Mthethwa. I can literally listen to just one lick, forget a whole song, for an hour. On a bass forum, the discussion was once about what constitutes a great bassist. The point that stood out the most was that one must first and foremost have the passion and ability to express. Currently, there is no other bassist who can impress me as much as Bheka (yes, we are even on first-name basis....I wish. But in my heart we are). He is the perfect example. I admire my hommie, Bheka, because in addition to playing with a highly musically experienced group, he has allowed the bass to be more than just a supporting instrument, has a high level of musicianship, and most importantly, he plays from his heart. You can feel his soul through his basslines, and together with his other band members, they have proven that praising and worshiping God does not mean that one must sound like a cat struggling with death. 

In addition to that, I have started a project with one very talent fine artist and musician, with whom we are legitimately on first name basis. Clap for me. The only difficulty I have had with transitioning into this new project is the fact that I haven't rehearsed with a drummer in the last three weeks, and so I feel a bit incomplete. Bass without drums is just...meh. Not that I know what it feels like to be a widow, but I imagine it's something similar to this. However, I am extremely excited. This musician has an extraordinary way of thinking and is very unconventional. And she is an artist. Also, contrary to my past experience as a bassist in other bands, she has left my playing completely to my discretion. Heck, I can even play with my teeth now if I want! Having the freedom to self-express has even lifted the 5 month composition block I had. 

As I continue learning to love myself more and gain more self-confidence, I look forward to this new expression and getting into a different mental realm. Our first show together in September is going to be the most noteworthy stage I have ever performed on, thus far, as a bassist. We have less than three weeks to write and rehearse what will be performed. Challenge accepted. 

Of Drumbeats and Heartbeats

I have this very dear friend, who is also my fellow female bassist. Not only is she quite a talented musician, but she can say a simple sentence that will have such a profound effect on you that you start to ponder over your life. One particular Sunday, as we were having our usual post-church girl time, she said, "become an amazing drummer". *screeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!*

Before these four words, that would change the meaning of my life, were uttered, I mentioned in passing how I find a drummer that she used to play with somehow attractive. I thought this was just one of those "that guy is fine, swoon, and move on with our lives" moments. But alas, it was not such. This particular drummer that we were not moving on from, I had only heard him play twice. That, and I'm sure he wouldn't remember my face if we met on the street. Yet, this is how I apparently looked talking about him...

As it turns out, Mr Twice-Heard isn't special. I have an extra long list of people I find attractive, who are, umm, drummers. Not that any of them are particularly drop dead gorgeous. Well, not at least until I heard them play. The only prerequisite to my drummer-heart was simply to be a good drummer. Even Mr Bean would turn into David Beckham after giving me a noteworthy groove. Why?

My analysis:

I like to focus more on rhythm as I play, because I feel that a good rhythm can turn a basic bassline into something quite decent, like how Haron Waceke plays. He is never all over the fretboard, but when he is, it is at strategic points only, yet his rhythm is quite strong. For this reason, the person I pay the most attention to in the band is the drummer. I even practice basic rhythms on the drums so as to help me be a better bassist. This interest in rhythm is apparently not only limited to my band, but I find myself automatically analyzing the drummer when listening to any other band. So, while other girls notice the guy with the guitar, I notice the guy with sticks. Plus they say "your band is only as good as your drummer". There's something about a man in control.

Friend's analysis:

Drummers have something I don't. Quite true when we are attracted to members of the opposite sex, we are attracted to those who we perceive to have something that we don't have but admire. Not that I am an amazing guitarist, but while other girls swoon over guitarists, since I am a guitarist myself, I am unmoved because what they have is easily accessible. As a musician, one of my biggest struggle has been with rhythm, and even still have a problem with rhythms that are not simple timed. Thus and such, drummers it is.

Since being in a position where a man has emotional power over a woman is a dangerous position to be, my friend's solution was simple: become an amazing drummer. Then no one will move my heart to beat! (see what I did there?)

Romanced: Normal is Boring

"It is the addition of strangeness to beauty that constitutes the romantic character in art." - Walter Pater

The best part about working with artists, is that artists are, umm, quite expressive. You either get really irritated or extremely entertained. Fortunately, I am entertained most of the time. Introducing, a couple of el band peeps:

This one plays everything together. He also has a unique sense of style. Anyone who can walk down the street in a striped jumpsuit deserves the respect. *moment to observe respect*.  I admire him also because he is ever smiling, even when someone is being offensive. I get offended for him.

This is one of the singers. She is a really amazing vocalist and says the craziest things. Also my main motivation for showing up to places that need to be showed up to. Also the reason older white men have to smile (must be the hair...or youthfulness) And has a boyfriend with a cool name. Oh yeah, she also approves of my taste in guys. We all need that one friend who will agree that yes, indeed, your man is very attractive *happy tear*

Monsieur Ninja Drummer.  He doesn't seem to care about whether his band is playing in different keys or someone is playing the wrong thing, he just does his part well. This chap also seems to be the only non-horny of the guys and seems unmoved by events. Clap for him. He puts his all on his drumset, so much that his sticks ninja out of his hands and into the next room. Clap for him again. Also doesn't complain if you run away with his popcorn. Give a hearty round of applause.

This one has quite a temper on him. He gets angry so fast that you don't realize he is mad until 15 minutes later, mainly because he goes and positions himself in a corner and starts sweating.

As a soft-spoken person, I get lots of reactions to my personality. One particular one, is that people either think I'm a genius and ask me to solve physics equations, or they think I'm soft-spoken because I have nothing between my ears. This guy falls in the latter.  He sings to us what to play and gives unwarranted advice. Asked what key the song is in, he says "RnB". I understand that just as I lack in certain areas, so do others. But others who lack in the most basic and yet have the decency to talk down to you? Nuh uh! *sways neck Shaniqua style*. Other than that, he is a great person to have as a friend. He'll go out of his way to help you and protect you, and is also very open.

This is how one director looks like. On the right is him on the inside. Just give him a tot..or lots of sugar, and he will come out. He reminds me of a teddy bear. I just want to hug him all the time.

Bass dude. Reggae dude. Chops dude. He is my bass mentor.  Also has a song that preaches solidarity and likes only two chords: A major and B minor. Therefore, he writes a song consisting of only A major and B minor. I guess this has its perks because it gives the bass room to go crazy. Arise, ye, forgotten instrument!

Music Without Words *insert horrorified expression*

As an instrumentalist, I have met quite a  number of people that I would like to throw a chair, no, maybe a house, at their faces, because of some of the things they say. The beauty of symphonies, sonatas and concertos is because they are purely instrumental. To this day, I can sit down for hours just listening to instrumental music, and I have found that most of my fellow instrumentalists enjoy instrumental music as much as I do. 

People's reactions when they find out you like instrumental music can be rather, um, interesting. I Once had someone look me dead in the eye, with quite a substantial amount of grief on his face, and exclaim, "how can you listen to music without words?!"

I also had a few others imply that music cannot be music if there is no singer. Non-musicians are not the only ones that appear, err, uninformed. 

I was once in a band that had quite some potential. When the leader approached me to further grow the band, he was of the idea that before we get singers on board, we should work on chemistry as instrumentalists, which was a splendid idea. The band consisted of some quite gifted instrumentalists, and I thought, "hey, this could be different". Since there are quite a number of conventional band set-ups, I figured this could be our selling point. Also, I find that instrumental bands have better paying and more frequent opportunities, as there is a certain class of people that enjoy such. But alas, music "cannot" be music without words.

Recently at band rehearsals, a deadly confrontation was about to happen. Of all the artists we play for, one of them happens to be one of my favorites. This is because he has a very good ear, is a percussionist as well, and has a high level of musicianship (he just needs to go to a special school on how to court women). Rehearsal time is divided between the artists, where each has their turn to do a set of songs and to agree with the instrumentalists how it should be done. When it was his turn, he had a wonderful idea for an instrumental arrangement. Literally a minute into the arrangements, other artists, particularly one rather obnoxious hip-hopper, thought that the instrumentalists are just fooling around. They started complaining and saying that the next artist should go on because "time was passing". Slaps forehead.

Since every artist in the program has equal opportunity, I have decided to come up with my own 15 minute instrumental, and I dare anyone to try and interrupt me.

Pooh! 

Dream a New Dream

"Never regret your past, whether good or bad, because it still has a positive impact on your present and future"

Sometimes in life, we put extremely high expectations on ourselves and set timelines by when to accomplish these goals. Any slight failure or delay in achieving these expectations can lead to a turmoil of grief and hopelessness. Other than the loss of loved one, the worst possible feeling one can have is that of a crushed dream and having no direction to look forward to, like being lost at sea.

Recently, the devotionals I've been reading have been along the theme of  "God's plans and desires of your hearts". The main points of these devotionals, was that God has plans for us and knows what's best for us better than we do. Also, if you have a desire in your heart to pursue something, it is because it is God's plan for you to achieve that desire, and so he places it in you heart that you may pursue it.

If things were to go my way, by now I would have graduated with a double Master of Arts degree in Conducting and Piano Performance, just gotten married to my first "true love", who would have patiently waited, and we would be expecting our first-born twin boys, but alas, none of that has even nearly happened. A friend of mine, Gladys, once told me never to regret my past, whether good or bad, because it still has a positive impact on your present and future. This is a motto I still live by today. In as much as I'm just getting done with my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology degree, "true love" is in a committed relationship and we do not have twins on the way, I have no regrets because I have learnt so much in my experience that I believe has made me a much better individual than if it had gone my way.

Although worth it, this "not my way" experience has not been an easy one:

• Because of other commitments, I haven't been able to get in as much practice as my peers in the industry, also taking into account that bass is a fairly new instruments to me. I have met and played with great, full-time professional musicians, some with as much as 13 years experience in the field and 12 hours a day practice time. 
• Classical piano has taught me to read music and to plan any non-scored music you are going to play ahead of time. Give me any song and tell me to come up with a bassline 3 weeks before and I will give you a superb line. Expect me to improvise on the spot, and I look like a fish trying to climb a wall. But this is what Kenyan musicians are made of; improvisation.
• In the new group I'm in, there are a couple of people in their 30's and 40's, who are looking for the same opportunities I am. Will I be a 40 year old mother still looking for a breakthrough in my career?

This can be very intimidating and stressful, and many a times I have considered quitting and opting to sell sausages by the road side for a living. But then I remember: God's timing and life lessons.

• Psychology has given me a broad perspective that I can use in music and business. My possibilities are limitless, rather than if I had just studied classical piano and conducting. I would probably have just toured Europe and then retired at 35. Since a piano is not an orchestral instrument but a feature, you have to be quite exceptional to be given a concerto, with or without orchestral backing. Same goes for being a conductor. I don't doubt that I could be capable of achieving this, but what are the odds that a black woman would get such gigs? However, I still do intend to travel the world.
• I have learnt to play on the go and so many other things, that I am now even much more confident in my ability to succeed in a music Master's program without having done an undergraduate degree in music.
• Bass is just really fun and, in Kenya, seems to be more profitable

Sometimes we reach a certain age and stop dreaming, believing that once an opportunity has passed, that's it for life. But the past is but gone. Every new day gives us a chance to start a fresh. One reason I admire the older folk I play with is because they have not settled to living an average life because "their time passed". Likewise, I realize that this experience has enabled me to be a more holistic musician and individual, giving me the ability to achieve much more and influence people in a better way. Here's to dreaming a new dream!! 

Another Sam: Another lesson on matters of the heart

Playing as a unit of a whole can sometimes be quite frustrating. Very rarely do you find a band that has a permanent set of instrumentalists here, because most are band infidels. In the new band I play for, I literally have a different lead guitarist every session, each with completely different styles of playing. This means that each time we do a song, it sounds like a completely different song. A song that was composed and intended to be a jazz piece will start off as jazz, become funk, change to dubstep, become techno and reggae before it finally ends up as an unknown genre. Coming from the strict classical music structure, I cannot help but get annoyed. Also, this makes it really difficult to have chemistry as a band, as well as to be able to have a defined sound. On the bright side about playing with a cycle of musicians, is that you meet so many different people from different backgrounds with different perspectives, thus broadening your mental scope.

My top 4 Kenyan bassists, in no particular order, are named Haron, Sam, Ricky and another Sam. Another Sam happens to be one of the musicians passed along in the band cycle, so I have recently had the pleasure of getting to know him musically. He also happens to be a good friend and multi-instrumentalists. I have known another Sam since last year, and the reason he made it to my top 4 list, aside from being a good musician, is that he has something very important that most musicians seem to lack these days. He has genuine passion.

There are two types of musicians: those who know music, and those who are the music. Those who know music may be conversant with the most difficult of techniques, but their music never matures beyond a certain point, and may even die a premature death. Those who are the music, live the music. As long as they are alive and have a heartbeat, so does the music. Another Sam is the latter.

This encounter reminded me of the true beauty of music, and that is self expression. Another Sam's advice to me, on being a better bassist, was, " you are the heartbeat of the music. You don't have to be complex, just as long as you keep the groove and jibambe (enjoy)". Done and done. I can already feel the difference in my playing!

Of singing abilities and upside-down guitars

I have been playing for this artist program for about a month now. So far, it has been a rather interesting yet fulfilling experience. Herein lies my encounters:

1) GASP! Female Bassist! vs Ooooh...female bassist *wink wink*

During rehearsals and performances, I have met people whose eyeballs almost dropped on the floor because they had seen a female bassist. One of my favorite Kenyan bassists, Haron Waceke of Sarabi band, *scream*, popped his head in on one of our rehearsals once, and appeared to almost lose his eyeballs.

Haron Waceke in action

On the other hand, there are those who's appreciation appears to be motivated by ulterior desires. They seem uninterested in whether or not I actually do have any bass playing abilities. I'm a female, holding a guitar. That's enough.

2) Too much testosterone!!!

In a group of at least 15 people, only two of us are female. The rest are a bunch of mostly older, dread-headed, high men, who use ridiculous lines like "if I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" Slaps forehead. Whomever this lad has successfully picked up using that line, I would like to meet so that I can give her a thorough beating for almost destroying the female race.

3) Do you sing?

Initially, I didn't have a problem with this question. But now, I don't know if I should be offended by it. I have never heard my fellow male instrumentalists being asked if they could sing.

*to male instrumentalist*: Oh, you're a guitarist? That is great!

*to me*: Oh, you're a guitarist/pianist/violinist/saxophonist-to-be? That's lovely. But CAN you sing?

It is as if to suggest that because I'm female, I have to qualify my credibility as a musician by being a singer. Slaps forehead. For this reason, I have refused to sing. I believe Mariah Carey ain't got nothing on me, but I refuse to sing, because I can be a good enough musician as an instrumentalist. (NB: I may have exaggerated a bit on the Mariah story)

4) Compliments. Real or not?

There are two lots of people who's opinions I value most on my bass sound: drummers and people I believe to be good musicians. So, other than my drummer's compliments on my touch, I have found it rather difficult to be able to tell whether or not a compliment is genuine, especially from the men. Does my playing actually sound good, or does it sound good...for a female?

Quality music is really important for me. So in as much as looking cute in heels and a bass guitar on hand, I'd rather play amazing licks and look as constipated as Rhonda Smith looks here...

....than play crap and look as good as this --> Fake guitarist.

5) Free Lessons? Yes please!

Recently, my lead guitarist asked me why I have never gotten lessons on bass. I had no proper response. I had never thought about that before, I just happened on bass. Since being a bassist was nowhere in my life's plans, I never actually considered getting bass guitar lessons. Because my bass experience is as a result of listening to my favorite basslines and trying to emulate them, I admit that my own technique may be a bit wanting. The bright side about my experience is that I meet all these male instrumentalists who want to give me free bass lessons. I kid you not, I have also met singers who  have sung to me how to play a bassline. 

New Chapter - The Phoenix Rises

Every once in a while, an artist sometimes needs to take time off and go on a journey of self-discovery, so as to be able to effectively portray their heart's contents...

As an individual, I have had a fair share of ups and downs in the last couple of months. From heartbreaks to broken friendships and uncertainty of future expectations, I would say I have experienced more downs than ups. Rather than laying down and wallowing in self-pity and misery, I decided I would do things differently, starting with absolutely and completely adoring myself. Me, myself and I are head-over-heels in love, and our relationship is doing quite well, I must say.

As a musician, I have been like a plank of wood floating on rapids, just going with the flow. What will I play? I don't know. You tell me. How will I play it? I don't know, tell me. Eventually, I met people who told me what to do. The only problem was that there were too many of them, each with their own idea of the ideal."You're a better bassist than pianist", "no, no, no, you're a better pianist", "play jazz....jazz is so us" (us??), "no, pop, punk, rock", "eeer...and violin? Come join our jazz quartet...yes...with your violin", "blah blah blah yaddi yaddi yah"

I had lost all sense of self and was now just letting the waves carry me along. Until that forsaken moment when a former student of mine, in a rather condescending tone, I must add, "suggested" to me what to do on the keyboard. Now, I don't mind being given ideas by someone who has genuinely earned bragging musicianship rights. In fact, such people have never, ever implied that I lacked even the most basic of skills, and are ever so humble in their suggestions. This former student though, had the nerve to issue out unwarranted instruction and advice, and to make it worse, implied that I was rubbish. Never mind that I taught them the little 123 that they know. This was when I realized that I either had to put my foot down and have an identity, or find a new passion.

In the last 20+ years, I have won dancing competitions and music awards, failed some, quit music, picked it again, met geniuses, injured a nerve, almost sold my guitars....Music and I have traveled a long, emotional journey together, so finding a new passion was out of the question. During the journey of finding myself, I struggled with finding the right identity. Will I always be just someone's instrumentalist for the rest of my life? I struggled with my instrument. As a multi-instrumentalist, what should I do? Should I focus on one instrument? Which one? I struggled with sound. Which genre? Where do I fit in? Whats the best technique?

The answer to all those questions was simple; be yourself and embrace your wholeness.  I love the musical depth that classical music has to offer, I enjoy playing piano that I grew up on and don't I just adore composing. I am still a classical musician and compose orchestral works. But while performing on bass guitar, I feel a different kind of energy and freedom, so I have decided to take on the journey being a bass performer. But I will not extinguish any of the fire, but rather let my bass experience influence my classical music and my classical music influence my bass playing. The Phoenix Rises. Ri-Bass is back!!