Interlude /pt.2 (b) - Alter Ego Conflict: Pianist, Bassist and Keyboardist

Keyboardist Woes 

From a bassist's point of view, Gospel music appears easy, because it follows a simple and repetitive pattern of harmony. From a pianist's point of view, it's different. Almost everything I've learnt as a pianist does not apply. Firstly, everything to do with dynamics and control is different on a keyboard. I cannot explain further. Other than the similarity of positions, to me it's all different. There are even some keys missing on a keyboard.

Secondly, on a piano you have to transpose in your head and know the physiology of the new key, because a good piano is as manual as my late Grandma's Fiat. However, on a keyboard there's a button to transpose. I struggle because I do not know where it is and can never find it. I feel like a technologically challenged being. Maybe it's a good thing that I can never find the transpose button, despite it being  shown to me numerous times by patient people. Why is it a good thing? Because the idea of playing a song in F yet I am holding chords in C just eats at me. It's not normal. It's weird. It is unnatural. On bass you simply shift the shape, although if the interval is too wide, the sound may change and you may have to come up with a new bassline if you're looking for a particular sound. Oh, and by the way, a keyboard peddle can reverse peddle. Usually, a peddle sustains notes when stepped on and releases them when you release your foot. A keyboard peddle can be set to sustain without stepping, so if you want to release the sustained notes, you would step on it. I learnt this yesterday.

Finally, what to do with the information has also been a struggle. If a song progression is C-F-G-C, as a bassist I know that my role is to harmonize and maintain the groove. I know that as long as I play within what makes the quality of the harmony and as long as my rhythm is in check, I am good to go. Besides, if we were to write my bassline on a staff, it would only be one part. On keys, the two main parts are harmony and melody at the same time, that sub-divide into other parts, while keeping in mind that I am an accompanist and should not outdo the vocalists or compete with the lead guitarist. I have not been blessed with the skill of improvisation, although I am working on it. In classical music, what to do with the C-F-G-C is written for you, and that's only if you take the time to analyze the music and see that indeed that's a C-F-C-G, if written in the most basic manner....otherwise you would look at a C as C-E-G and not C Chord or Chord 1. Also, when I play classical music, to me each note is an independent note with its important role as part of the melody and harmony, rather than as merely a small part of a whole chord.

The little joys of life....

Interlude Pt.2 (a) - Music Director-Cum-Prophet of Doom (testimony)

In relation to the power of dreaming and chasing your dreams, I remember one particular piano exam I had. I was doing my A-level exams at the same time, and we were given a study break from school. Because I was away from school, I found it more practical to cancel the piano classes at school and take them at home. Besides, I had a special bond with my home teacher and more time with him, as he seemed genuinely interested in my growth as a pianist rather than the financial gain. Unfortunately the school's music department did not take my withdrawal kindly, because, of course, they were not getting paid.

The Music Director then attempted to make me pull out of the exam. Although the school was a registered exam center, the exam was from an independent board that the Director had no power over, and registration payment was separate from the school's payment. This meant that unless I personally withdrew from the exam, he could do nothing to stop me from taking it. Because I refused to pay for on-campus lessons, he told me that he would "let" me do the exam if I auditioned for him. So I did. After the audition, he sighed, shook his head, and told me I would fail the exam. This was a few days before my exam. I ran home (actually I took the bus and was picked in a car from the bus stop...details, details) crying to my teacher, who then told me, "no one should decide what you can and can't do. Besides, I've taught you for years, I know your abilities better than anyone and he just heard you play for the first time today."

So I confidently did my exam, because it was my dream to get that beautiful red-ribbon certificate. I did my exam, and much to the Music Director's surprise, I passed the exam, and I got my red-ribbon certificate!

Interlude Pt. 2 - Finding Myself and Daring to Dream

This time, in as much as I knew in my heart and soul that I am done with music, because of my dear saxophonist friend and my responsibilities in the church band, I still had contact with music. During this period, I did a lot of introspection on my music and life in general. I realized that a lot of people underestimate my abilities, not because they are bad people, but because I underestimate my own abilities. People will treat you how you treat yourself. I took the fact that people expected me to make mistakes and forever be the underdog as a sure sign that I am a failure. I remember, feeling particularly helpless, asking God why He was letting me go through all that, especially when my faith was probably at the highest it's been my whole life; taking my music was like taking my heart. Then the answers... I am not exaggerating, all just came to me as follows:

-) The fictional world - When I was younger, the fictional world allowed me to have a vivid and dream-like imagination that ended up scoring me the highest creative writing scores in all the languages I studied, none of which where my home languages. It also allowed me to imagine a bright future. To add on, one thing I am truly grateful for my mum for, is always encouraging me to go for my dreams. No matter how ridiculous some of my dreams sounded, she never rubbished them and always supported me and told me I have no limits. With this I was equipped to achieve my dreams, and achieve my dreams I did. This time, I realized that after escaping to the fictional world, I was able to imagine countless possibilities of my life, and then it occurred to me....I am confidently dreaming again! With this dreaming, I started working towards realizing my dreams, that even my church band members commented on how much I have grown in just a short time.

-) Staying true to and respecting yourself - The person who made me realize this is my saxophonist. His main niche is jazz and I grew up on classical music. It is what it is. In as much as those who say that these genres are "too Western" may have a point, but these are parts of us that we cannot get rid of. I admire him because he doesn't feel the need to conform into what is becoming the cliché Afro-Fusion, just so that he can be accepted in the scene. If he must do an Afro or other genre song, he fuses it with jazz because that is who he is. He even plays better when he is allowed to do his own stuff. I think that because I learnt bass guitar differently, I haven't struggled much with shifting genres (except for Sebene). Because I play the keyboard at church, the main struggle I've had is in Gospel music. However, because I have learnt a different technique throughout the years and have to learn a new one from scratch, doesn't make me a lesser musician. Previously, I thought that because I was an underdog in different genres, I was an inadequate musician, and because I thought lowly of my abilities, so did other people. If we were to turn my band members into classical musicians, I'm sure they would struggle with what I find easy. Bottom line: Learning different genres is an added advantage and has strengths and weaknesses, but I don't have to quit my passion or change myself because I don't fit into the "norm".

-) Positive thinking - It's easier to take in hurtful comments than it is to accept compliments, but I have decided to do the reverse. I have received great comments from teachers and even up until today I have received some compliments about my abilities. My drummer also told me that I have good  musical intelligence. So I will use the positive comments to fuel me as I build myself, rather than the negative feedback that tears me.

-) No limitations - Literally a day after these revelations, the main sermon in church was about being able to imagine yourself successful because you are worthy enough to be called to greater heights by God, therefore you should not set limitations on yourself or let others set limitations for you. No answer could be clearer than that.

With this, I hereby declare that I DARE TO DREAM, and I am back in the game!

Interlude Pt. 1 - Finding Myself and Daring to Dream

I have not posted for a while because I had given up my life-long passion of being a musician. During my musical life, there have been many times when I felt like quitting, and even once went to the extent of locking up my guitars because I was "done for real". However, these "done" moments last, at the very most, a week and a half. This time it felt different and lasted longer though.

I have received a good amount of life's thorough beatings, and one thing that I took from these experiences is to never have expectations, because it hurts when they come crashing to the ground. At the time, expectations and dreams seemed to be one. So, I was afraid to dream because I was afraid I would be slapped with the hard reality that I am unworthy of great achievements. Although I was happy with my musical career, practicing with great musicians, learning a lot and doing performances, I had no dream and no direction like before. I was going with the flow. My practice and performance sessions felt like I just fell into them because they happened to be there. Before, when I had a "done" moment, I always had a dream to fall back on and bring me back on track. This time I didn't have one. 

I had been having some personal struggles that are common with life's ups and downs. The one thing I had to keep me going was my music. Then, we started having some disagreements within my band, and eventually had a nasty one with the drummer. This drummer is someone that I had considered special, aside from the music and band, so naturally, this took a toll on me and to add on to all that was already happening, another "done" moment came and I had nothing to fall back on. When I was young, I loved reading fictional books and letting my mind escape into a different world, which would leave me refreshed when dealing with real life issues. Likewise, feeling beaten and worn down from everything happening, I had to escape into a fictional world this time or risk falling into severe depression. What I love most about these stories is that anything is possible and this helped me come to a realization.....To be continued