Interlude Pt. 2 - Finding Myself and Daring to Dream

This time, in as much as I knew in my heart and soul that I am done with music, because of my dear saxophonist friend and my responsibilities in the church band, I still had contact with music. During this period, I did a lot of introspection on my music and life in general. I realized that a lot of people underestimate my abilities, not because they are bad people, but because I underestimate my own abilities. People will treat you how you treat yourself. I took the fact that people expected me to make mistakes and forever be the underdog as a sure sign that I am a failure. I remember, feeling particularly helpless, asking God why He was letting me go through all that, especially when my faith was probably at the highest it's been my whole life; taking my music was like taking my heart. Then the answers... I am not exaggerating, all just came to me as follows:

-) The fictional world - When I was younger, the fictional world allowed me to have a vivid and dream-like imagination that ended up scoring me the highest creative writing scores in all the languages I studied, none of which where my home languages. It also allowed me to imagine a bright future. To add on, one thing I am truly grateful for my mum for, is always encouraging me to go for my dreams. No matter how ridiculous some of my dreams sounded, she never rubbished them and always supported me and told me I have no limits. With this I was equipped to achieve my dreams, and achieve my dreams I did. This time, I realized that after escaping to the fictional world, I was able to imagine countless possibilities of my life, and then it occurred to me....I am confidently dreaming again! With this dreaming, I started working towards realizing my dreams, that even my church band members commented on how much I have grown in just a short time.

-) Staying true to and respecting yourself - The person who made me realize this is my saxophonist. His main niche is jazz and I grew up on classical music. It is what it is. In as much as those who say that these genres are "too Western" may have a point, but these are parts of us that we cannot get rid of. I admire him because he doesn't feel the need to conform into what is becoming the cliché Afro-Fusion, just so that he can be accepted in the scene. If he must do an Afro or other genre song, he fuses it with jazz because that is who he is. He even plays better when he is allowed to do his own stuff. I think that because I learnt bass guitar differently, I haven't struggled much with shifting genres (except for Sebene). Because I play the keyboard at church, the main struggle I've had is in Gospel music. However, because I have learnt a different technique throughout the years and have to learn a new one from scratch, doesn't make me a lesser musician. Previously, I thought that because I was an underdog in different genres, I was an inadequate musician, and because I thought lowly of my abilities, so did other people. If we were to turn my band members into classical musicians, I'm sure they would struggle with what I find easy. Bottom line: Learning different genres is an added advantage and has strengths and weaknesses, but I don't have to quit my passion or change myself because I don't fit into the "norm".

-) Positive thinking - It's easier to take in hurtful comments than it is to accept compliments, but I have decided to do the reverse. I have received great comments from teachers and even up until today I have received some compliments about my abilities. My drummer also told me that I have good  musical intelligence. So I will use the positive comments to fuel me as I build myself, rather than the negative feedback that tears me.

-) No limitations - Literally a day after these revelations, the main sermon in church was about being able to imagine yourself successful because you are worthy enough to be called to greater heights by God, therefore you should not set limitations on yourself or let others set limitations for you. No answer could be clearer than that.

With this, I hereby declare that I DARE TO DREAM, and I am back in the game!