I have received a good amount of life's thorough beatings, and one thing that I took from these experiences is to never have expectations, because it hurts when they come crashing to the ground. At the time, expectations and dreams seemed to be one. So, I was afraid to dream because I was afraid I would be slapped with the hard reality that I am unworthy of great achievements. Although I was happy with my musical career, practicing with great musicians, learning a lot and doing performances, I had no dream and no direction like before. I was going with the flow. My practice and performance sessions felt like I just fell into them because they happened to be there. Before, when I had a "done" moment, I always had a dream to fall back on and bring me back on track. This time I didn't have one.
I had been having some personal struggles that are common with life's ups and downs. The one thing I had to keep me going was my music. Then, we started having some disagreements within my band, and eventually had a nasty one with the drummer. This drummer is someone that I had considered special, aside from the music and band, so naturally, this took a toll on me and to add on to all that was already happening, another "done" moment came and I had nothing to fall back on. When I was young, I loved reading fictional books and letting my mind escape into a different world, which would leave me refreshed when dealing with real life issues. Likewise, feeling beaten and worn down from everything happening, I had to escape into a fictional world this time or risk falling into severe depression. What I love most about these stories is that anything is possible and this helped me come to a realization.....To be continued
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